An Update

Hello anyone who is reading,
 There has been a long span of time since my last post.  A lot has happened in that time, but I am not going to walk you step by step through that time.  I will say it has been a time of growth.

I just read through my old posts.  I actually complained about gas prices being $3.19! Isn't that a joke?

But I realized, I left this not very happy.  Being a freshman in college was hard at first.  Boy was I scared.  Am I still scared? Yes.  Do I still get homesick? Yes.  But I am much more happy now because I learned to let it be.

By second semester of freshman year I had gathered a group of wonderful friends.  They are really who have made Marshall what it is for me.  They are why I love it here so much.  I also love journalism.  Really do.

I am now in my second semester of sophomore year.  Next year I will be out of the dorms and in a house with four of my closest friends.  I will hopefully (fingers crossed) be an editor for the school paper.  It will also be time to apply for internships (yikes).  So  there is a lot of new, exciting, unknown and scary things happening in my life.  But I have wonderful friends, still have a supportive family and loving boyfriend (yes we are still together and better than ever).

The lesson I have learned is you cannot change the past or control the future.  You can't control those around you.  You can't control what happens to you.  So you have to let it be and go with the flow.  This has helped me become a less stressed person.  (Not to say some nights I can't sleep because scary thoughts of the future creep up on me)

It is nice to see how I have grown.  Sometimes I feel like I am still 16.  But reading through my past has really made me see how I have matured.  Maybe I thought by this time I would have it all figured out.  Maybe I thought I would be so confident I would be a whole new person.  But I am essentially still the same person, just with lessons from God under my belt.

"And I can't change,
Even if I tried.
Even if I wanted to."

Here's To Love

Let me begin to tell how excited I am for this weekend.  I am going to Young Adult retreat.  I wanted to post a picture that describes how I feel inside.  This picture sums it up.


It's love and laughter and my best friends.  I really don't know what else would sum this up.  <---- this is what I am so excited for. Even if Kenzie won't be there.  (I'm just not thinking about that)


Anyway, my stomach is just turning when I think about it.  It will be just what I need.  It's always what I need, even if I'm doing great! :) Here's to love <3

Two Things

Two things: One is good, one is not so good.  Which do you want first?


I'll start with the not so good, because it is how I am currently feeling.  
-On Tuesday, Teen Mom was on.  A show that I love.  It's a guilty pleasure. (For real, Bently is the cutest baby ever).  So, anyway, Caitlyn got super insecure over Tyler.  He wanted to go out, she doesn't like it because she gets jealous.  I'd be lying if I said that I don't relate.  Because I do.  Very much.  Now, she gets jealous because she is very insecure about herself and her looks.  And well, right now  so am I.  I don't feel it all the time.  Sometimes I love myself.  Everything about myself.  But then, I go on Facebook.  I see these cute girls that Tyler is friends with.  He's making new friends and that's great.  But they look so awesome. They are edgy and quirky.  I'm, not.  I'm quiet.  I listen, don't partake.  I observe.   I'm pretty conservative in my clothing.  I'm plain.  Don't make a statement with my looks.  Why, then would he even want to be with me when he could have something more fun?  That's my question.  It's never that I don't trust him.  I do.  And I know Ty loves me.  It's just, why does he?  And why does he stay when he could have so much more than boring old me?


(Disclaimer:  I do not always feel this.  And I'll get over it.  I just needed to write it)


And on to the good.
-I have always set goals for myself.  I may have written another post about it, actually.  I make goals for myself, and I achieve them when I want it.  I set goals in middle school that I didn't even remember, but I achieved them anyway.  The only goal I've never been able to achieve is running.  I've never built up my stamina the way I really want.  Never.  However, I am changing that.  I've found a program that will start me gradually.  I went to the gym in between classes today, that's how dedicated I am to this.  I really want to finally reach my goal.   I want to be in shape.  I want to be leaner. 
     I also realized that when I was thinner, I thought I was big.  But I wasn't.  I am now actually as big as I thought I was, and I want to be how big I actually was.  Now,  a size 10 isn't big, I know.  But I want to be a size 7 again.  I want to have muscle again.  That's my goal and I will accomplish it this time.


So, what have I learned?  Tyler loves me for me.  Not my looks.  He loves me because I set goals, because I am determine.  I'm quiet, like him, but together we have so much fun and laugh out loud.  I love me because I am a goal achiever.  I am beautiful.  I make a statement with my words, and my style because it isn't like the rest of the world.  I have fun, just not everyone's idea of fun.  I like to dance.  I love to read more though.  I sing to myself in the car and one day I will sing like that in front of people.  That's why I love myself.  I am a constant work in progress.


"My life, is a constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way."
-Set Your Goals

Mental Case

I broke down this weekend.  I woke up on Saturday and was so homesick I couldn't even think straight.  So I ran home.  Or at least I felt like I did.  I packed my bags in five seconds and left without telling anyone but my roommate..  I've never been more determine to get anywhere before.  I just wanted to leave.  I cried pretty much the whole way there.  And then when I left I pretty much cried the whole way back.  I don't know.  Is this worth it?  What's the point of struggling?  Am I making a hasty generalization? (Learned that in "math")  I just need to breath.........


"The more I see the less I know,
But I know,
One thing,
That I Love You."

I miss you...

I am feeling a little homesick.. I miss my puppy and my boy.  And  I miss talking to my mom.  


But don't let this fool you.  I am loving life down here.  When I keep moving and keep active, I am fine.  I don't even think about it (Ty was right).  But laying in bed, studying, I really miss them.  I am making some really great friends down here.  My RA and my whole floor is awesome.  I'm starting to workout.  Classes haven't freaked me out too much yet.  And I'm having a blast.  But I really just want to go home.  


I think that what freaked me out was when some girls were talking about next year.  I can't even imagine next year already.  Four years of separation is looonnggg..  But I don't have to think about this yet.  


I also think that Tyler's stress has affected me a little.  He was feeling overwhelmed with classes, and I just wish I was there to take care of it and make sure he is ok.  But I couldn't.  But it also made me realize how much he relies on me, not how much I rely on him.  Which is nice to know.. But I love how he supports me and my decisions.  I miss him so much.


But...technology is amazing!  I can talk to him and see his face and see my friends.  It's very awesome.   For example:

I am so in love.  And that's what I leave you with.

"Don't count the miles,

Count the "I Love You's'"

-Christina Perri

Happy BIrthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday!  I am 19  years old.  However, I still feel 16.  I don't feel old enough to go to clubs, have no curfew, and to be away from home at Marshall University.  It just seems so weird.  


It was a really great birthday, though.  (Even though I thought it was going to be horrible.)   I woke up feeling very homesick.  Everyone had sent me texts in the night and Facebook had exploded, and I felt so weird knowing I wasn't going to see any of them.  What kind of birthday is it if you don't get a birthday kiss from your boyfriend and parents?  My mom had sent me a picture of my puppy, which didn't help.  I miss her terribly.  I got in the shower, dreading the rest of the day.


And then, I opened my door.  All the girls on my floor had decorated it!  I was so happy I couldn't even explain.  


I ran some errands with a friend from home, and felt better being out and doing something with a familiar face.  Then, when I came back to my dorm, my amazing roommate Alyssa had decorated my whole room with streamers.  She made a sash for me and got me a crown and had cupcakes and wrote me a birthday song.  It was the most amazing thing ever.  I've had a surprise like that on my birthday.  


Later on, I went out with some girls from my floor and my friends from home to Fat Patty's, which is amazing.  


Then, I did something I've never done, I went out at 11.  Woah.  Don't I have to ask my parents?  The girls took me to a gay bar to dance.   That was my first club experience.  I love to dance, but I don't think I'm going to be going dancing every weekend.  It's just too much for me.  I loved it at the time, but right now I'm just feeling weird about it.  It's not that I did anything I'm not proud of.  I danced with my friends.  I drank a red bull.  Saw a drag show, which I really loved because the Queens are so confident and I would love an ounce of that. But I don't think I'm that girl....the girl that goes out dancing.  I'm too chill.  Once in a while will be fine, and a stress reliever.  

WE ARE.....MARSHALL!!

Well the time has come.  Here I sit in my dorm room, yeah, I said dorm room.  I just wish my stomach would stop turning.  I feel fine for a while, then boom, I feel like I'm going to start to cry.  I wouldn't say I'm homesick just yet.  I'm just really really really nervous about....well...everything.  


BUT...I have my list of things I am excited for.  And I am excited for them.  I just want it to get started.  This whole WOW (Week of Welcome) is real boring and real slow.  I feel like it should be Saturday, but, it's only Thursday.  Ughhhhhh

The days turn to minutes and minutes to memories, Life sweeps away dreams that we had planned.  You are young and you are the future, so suck it up and tough it out, and be the best you can.

-John Mellencamp Minutes to Memories 1985