Let's talk about...

How stupid fast this summer went.  But, also, how rocking it was.  But that's not really what I want to talk about.  I feel like lately all I've been doing is focusing on the negative.  I've been super nervous about leaving next Wednesday...and I've been pretty much an emotional wreck.  I'm really just nervous about being alone, or at least, feeling alone.  And just being away from Ty.  It's not going to be fun.  However, there is so much that is going to fun. Sooo, I thought I should make a list of things I am really excited for.  Maybe it will calm my nerves.

1. Football games! Go Herd!!
2. Being super duper close to Naomi and Wayne.  That's a biiigggg comfort.
3. Being able to do my own thing on my own time.
4. Taking naps when I need them.
5. Getting to know my roommate.
6. Finding new friends.
7. Going to West Liberty and WVU to visit my best friends.
8. Strangely enough, the car trip home.  I love driving.  It de-stresses me.
9. Having a Starbucks on campus. :)
10. Having a bookstore on campus :)
11. Being able to workout and do Zumba, not even ten feet from my living space
12. The Marshall Artisan Series.  Cee Lo Green.  Young Frankinstein. Comedy Central on Campus!! Wooot
13. Going to basketball games!
14. Going to classes for my major.
15. I'm excited to discuss the books I needed to  read for First year Seminar. Im a geek

I could go on.  But, I need to shower because I am going out with Ty and Mason.  :)

Dear friend...

Woah.  I just graduated high school.  I know I said I would post my speech, and I still plan on doing that, I just have some other stuff to get off my chest.

First off, I can't believe I just officially became a high school graduate.  I honestly can't believe it.  And it's not a "where's the time gone" kind of feeling.  I know where the time went.  It took a long time.  It's more of a "i can't believe I never have to go back into that school" type of feeling.  It's just a massive change in my everyday reutine.  It's weird for me to think that at the end of the summer I won't be going back there.  It's bittersweet. 

The second thing I really want to address is this:  I have not healed from losing my best friend.  Today, she gave me a hug and said "I'm going to miss you so much".  All I wanted to say was that I've been missing you for the past two years.  No boy has ever broken my heart the way she did.  And even though I truly believe that God took her out of my life for a reason, it is still painful.  And it's a mixture of sadness and anger whenever I see her.  I'm sad because it's not the same and mad that she let it happen and seems ok with it.  One of the biggest lessons I learned in high school was that people really do change and you really do lose friends because of it.  And it's not bad, it's just sad because they aren't in your life anymore.  But there is always someone ready to fill the spot they left in your life.  

Right now, I don't know how I feel.  Sick and nervous about the future, but excited that it's happening.  

Just so you know...

Dear world,

  Life been super busy (Prom was Saturday for example!) and haven't had time to write.  Plus I've been writing lots of others things.  However, I just wanted to inform you that once I write my graduation speech I will post it here.  Also, prom made me fall even more in love with Tyler, again.  He's wonderful.  And senioritus is massive.  

My Own Little Easter Sermon

The song above is a song we are singing in Madrigal Choir.  We don't sing it quite this slow, but it's a pretty good reference.  This is probably our favorite song, just because it's so dark.  However, today when we performed it for AARP, I found a new meaning to it.  "Will not day come soon?  Christ is coming soon."  He is coming soon. This really hit me today when we sang it on the day he was betrayed.  The day I feel so much darkness.  Soon he will be rising from the dead.  This is what we talk about and hear about at Easter.  However, this isn't what is giving me hope this Easter. 


    It took a couple of steps for me to reach the hope and connection I feel today.  First, I saw Jesus Christ Superstar last March.  That is when the story of Jesus took whole new life for me. The songs made me feel a new sense of connection to Jesus, Judas, and the rest of the disciples.  It felt real and human, not just a story I am read.  


    The second step was Naomi's prayer class last retreat.  She told the story of Jesus dropping to his knees and saying "God, I do not want to do this.  Take this cup from me.  But not my will, but yours."  For the first time, Jesus and I had something in common.  I too once dropped to my knees and said, "God, I am scared and I do not want to follow this path that you have placed me on.  It is hard, and scary, and lonely."


     Today, at my church's Maundy Thursday service, a thought wacked me in the head.  Jesus did not have to do what he did for us.   He could have called ten thousand angels, as the song says.  He had the power.  Yet he knew what God's will was.  He knew what was right and what he must do.


    So, the hope I found to day was faith.  Faith that God knows what is best for me, no matter how hard.  And my path will never be lonely, just as Jesus's long walk was not.  God will always be with me.  Jesus will be with me as I follow my path.  God will make sure everything turns out alright in the end.  Jesus and I have that in common, and I know he will never lead me astray.  I must take that leap of faith, with Jesus holding my hand and God right behind me.

"And when we both have had enough

I will take him from my shoe, singing:

"Meet your new road!" 

Then I'll take your hand

Finally glad 

That you are here

By my side"

Not Just Another Face in The Crowd

Dear Papa,
  It's been more than three years since you went to heaven, and I'll admit, it's been rough.  When God decided he wanted you, I felt like we were just getting close.  I wasn't expecting you to go so soon.  I expected you to be at my prom, my wedding, everything.  However, it means the world to me that you came to my show tonight.  I always see your face in  the crowd.  It may have made me forget what I was singing, but it doesn't matter.  I miss you everyday, but I know that you are with me.  It gives me hope that you're always in the crowd.  I love you.


-Taylor

Love is a Many Splendid Thing

     I just feel like I need to get these emotions written down so I can remember them forever, because I always want to feel like this.  Spoiler alert: This is going to be incredibly cheesy.


     I've always been in love with Tyler.  But, it's been a while since I've had butterflies.  I'm just so comfortable around him.  However, Friday night was Sadie Hawkins at my school.  For those of you who do not know, because I have learned I am wrong to assume everyone knows what this is, Sadie Hawkins is a dance where the girls ask the guys.  I think each school has different traditions with it.  Some go with the county theme, girls wear their daisy dukes and flannel.  At my school though, we just dress the same.


     But anyway, last Friday was the dance. We went to eat with  our best friends, had a blast.  Good stuff.  At the dance, I have gotten used to dancing alone because Tyler doesn't dance.  I've learned and adapted.  I dance by myself with my friends and have a good time.  However, Tyler's best friend Codey really wanted Ty to dance with me.  He said that since it was our last Sadie's he should dance with me.  Ty wouldn't.  So, Codey danced with me.  And Tyler, being the amazing guy that he is, said he didn't care if I danced with other people.  So, I did.  I danced with another guy, and danced with Codey again.  Then, it happened.


      I was dancing with Codey and Tyler just came up and started dancing with me.  Now, I know that this doesn't seem like a big deal.  But it really is.  I fought a long battle with him about dancing with me that I gave up.  He was so adamant about not liking to dance to that music and blah blah blah.  Words cannot express how happy I was.


     Then, when we were slow dancing during the last song, he sang in my ear.  I literally swooned.  

     To make a long story short, guys, I fell a little more in love with Tyler that night.  I feel giddy about him again.  I dream about him.  I just want to be in his arms.  


     He's in New York City right now, and he keeps sending me pictures.  And I can't get him off my mind.  And since this is sort of like my journal, I feel I need to say what is sitting in the back of my mind:  what am I going to do next when I don't get to see him?




Oh, the song he sang to me?  Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls.


"And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life.
'Cause sooner or later it's over.
I just don't want to miss you tonight."

Nerves

Ahhhh!!  My mom reminded me that Annie Get Your Gun is in three weeks and I felt like I was going to throw up!  All of a sudden I got reeeaaalll nervous!  Oh gee!  I hope I am ready.  I've already prayed about it, but would love some more.  

The worst part is senior-itus is starting to kick in.  Not good timing.  This is the busiest time.  Every scholarship in the world is due.   And I feel like I'm going to do all this work for nothing in return.  I'm almost just ready to push fast forward and have March and April fly by.  I want it to slow down for May though.  And I bet that's how it will happen.  I just want to go to prom and dance away all my worries.