I'm scared out of my mind for one. Scared of the future. Scared of my next step. Scared of college. Absolutely terrified. When I think about it my eyes water, and my chest feels tight. I don't know anything anymore. I thought I was sure of my path, but now I don't really know. Is leaving those I love most and moving four hours away really the best and right choice? All the books, movies, and tv shows seem to think not. They always end up choosing the ones they love over the other option. Jacki in That 70's Show for instance. And I know it seems silly, but that episode really messed up my thinking. Maybe I'm just looking for signs in all the wrong places...
Here's my thought process when I lay awake at night:
1. How is this the right choice? How is Marshall possibly right? I'm moving four hours away (too far away as people keep saying) and practically by myself. Yeah, good choice.
2. But what would my other options be anyway? I don't like any of the schools near me. And do I really want to be 15 min. from my house? Is that a college experience?
3. But it would be so much easier to be close to home. And I could see everyone.
4. Ok. Maybe I should go look at some schools around here. I only looked at West Liberty, which I didn't like. It always rains when I'm there. I don't take it as a good sign. Maybe I should look elsewhere before I really decide (my first normal and good productive thought).
5. But Marshall has everything that I want. I felt so right there. It felt so perfect. And I felt like that was really my path. Maybe I need to pray on it more.
Ok, and I'm not going to hide it anymore. It really all comes back to Tyler. How far away can I be from him? Are we strong enough to do this? If I leave, will it change everything? I don't want anything to change...
And that's whats even deeper. I don't want anything to change. I am absolutely terrified of big change. And I can't sleep at night because I know the biggest change in my life is just around the bend and I can't stop it.
"And I can live without you but,
Without you I'll be miserable at best.."
-Mayday Parade
okay, here's the deal. we are going to have a phone date this week. you call me or I'm going to call you :) love you.
ReplyDeleteHey now, you will be close to a small network of your camp friends a family. There is a few of us that are less than an hour away from Marshall and would be glad to visit any time you would like.
ReplyDeleteoh Taylor! I had such a rough time applying for colleges, as well. The good news is if you are meant to be together you'll be together. Four hours isn't THAT far--and weekend road trips with your friends/tyler's friends could be so much fun. :) I went through a really hard time because my boyfriend at the time went to ashland university (in ohio) and I decided to go to U of Louisville (in Kentucky). Everything happens for a reason though and while we aren't together, we are still really good friends. :) I'm always here if you need someone! love you!
ReplyDelete